Daring to Love The Unlovable:

The Greatest Transformation

With Sandra Hillawi

“That which is our greatest challenge holds with in it our greatest gift.”

So far we have learned and understood that energy needs to flow and everyone needs energy nutrition. We have learned about shields and barriers, how they disconnect us , the energetic deficiencies arising as a consequence, and the potential for reconnection healing and deep transformation when we safely release these shields. In this session we are going to explore this concept in greater depth, and take it to a level perhaps not reached before for most of us. But first I want to share with you a few more principles about energy dynamics in relationships.

The Energy Dynamics Of Relationships

Our energy body, or our human spirit, which ever way you prefer to refer to it, is a channel for processing and handling the energies of life. We have seen how we can tune in to ourselves to soften and restore our even flow. We have seen how the assistance of another person can help facilitate and make more efficient this healing and transformation . Now we want to explore a new dynamic, sometimes referred to as healing by proxy or a form of distance healing, where one person in the relationship becomes the release path for the blocked energy of another.

This isn’t something new. We are familiar with it already. We see this demonstrated all the time in our close relationships. When one has a lot on his chest that he needs to release. The other listens attentively with an open heart without interruption, and at the end, all the inner stress is released. The listener’s energy system is absorbing, processing and handling the speaker’s energy and as a result, the blocked energy state is released, flow is restored and the two people are now back in connection again… So long as the listener is ABLE to handle what he/she is absorbing. This explains why successful long term relationships say their secret of success is never going to bed on an argument. i.e. they listen one to the other and hear each other out until everything is running clear again, each side. Connection and love flow restored without accumulating problems for the future.

So we have the process that one person with an open heart can take in absorb and release another person’s energy who is stressed, and in so doing, the stress is released.

We can use this in other ways.

We can seek to invite in, process and release the energy state of anyone we choose, whether they are present and actively involved with us or not, and become a release channel for this person’s energy state, thus we can perform remote healing.

Where do I feel that/their pain in my body?

Some examples.

When my brother-in-law died, of course I had to process his loss personally. But the wave of the event of his death effected others, namely his family. His son, aged 7 and daughter aged 3 were particularly finding it hard to deal with this, with their young energy systems at that tender age.

My nephew was naturally struggling with all the emotions of sadness and loss of his Dad. So I tuned in and asked, where do I feel my nephews sadness and loss of his Dad in MY body? It was in my heart. I softened and flowed and released the energy. His emotional state lightened and was able to cope more.

My niece was having problems going to nursery school, clinging to her Mum, not wanting to be separated from her at all while her Mum had to go out to work. Where did I feel my niece’s anxiety about being separated from her Mum in my body? In my heart, soften flow release. My niece became less clingy and was easier and more secure being away from her Mum.

So what I was doing was connecting to the energy state (the emotions) of the target person, inviting that in to my own energy system. Where it got stuck and hurt in my heart, I healed myself i.e. my own energy body’s inability to handle this kind of energy. The target person experienced change and healing. What did I get? My already openness to my niece and nephew allowed me to take in their energy. But I was unable to handle it, feeling pain. When I healed this I felt such love and compassion, this was a transformation in me.

My putting my attention to someone who was hurting, and having an open heart channel anyway and with now a greater capacity to love in the presence of these persons who were hurting allowed healing to happen in them.

If I had not focussed my attention there and not intervened, their state would have persisted and they would have continued on the path of pain for longer and I would have continued the path of less capacity to love.

Greater Challenges & Energy Shields

A Killer

I was giving a training to a new ET trainer, and she had difficulty in the concept of ‘its only energy’ and was still allowing her own judgement barriers to determine was ok to EMO and what was not. So I suggested we explore this with something really challenging for her. She chose the concept of a killer. She was extremely resistant to this energy so we applied the shields protocol and after processing heavy thick treacly disgusting energy, she arrived at a beautiful flow state of love. She was in a deep place. It was a profound moment.

I asked her what did she get from that?

Her words: “I don’t know it in my head; I don’t know it in my heart; I know it in my total being that any person could arrive at a place where they could commit such an act, and that there for the grace of God go I.” She received increased compassion and a great wisdom and learning from that. She also had clarity about life events that might bring a person to the energy state of acting in a certain way. The label and its disconnection was gone. This was now a human being in pain and anger. As a prison counsellor this was a very helpful change in her energy system for dealing therapeutically with her clients.

Here we were dealing with a concept as opposed to a particular person, although our concepts are formed from our experience and therefore contain the energy of particular people we have encountered. Also at this time, I was not aware of how much farther we could go with this idea.

Dr Len and the Criminally Insane in Hawaii

In researching for the chapter in my book The Love Clinic I came across Dr Len, a 70 yr old shamanic healer working in Hawaii in a hospital for the criminally insane. He practices a form of healing called Ho'oponopono - Hawaiian Code of Forgiveness and Taking Responsibility. This can be understood in EMO terms if we take EMO self healing and responsibility much further.

Dr Len worked for 4 years in this hospital. He took the charts and case notes of the inmates and he sat in a private office for 4 years working on healing himself. Using the lives of the inmates one by one he healed all his anger, all his hatred, all his judgements, all his fear in the presence of what these people did in their lives and the things that had happened to them. He healed himself until he could love the person who committed such acts i.e. until he had flow within himself.

Then energetically he said sorry and asked forgiveness for his part in what happened to them.

Let me elaborate….

We are all responsible

We are all connected to each other. We feel this with our close family and friends as our hearts are open. So we feel love and the openness allows us to feel their pain, and we have the chance to soften flow and release and therefore to help to heal their pain by healing ourselves. The path of the consequences of that pain are now changed forever.

It follows that by failing to heal ourselves, by failing to act, the pain of others persists and the path of consequences of that pain comes into being. We have the power to heal those around us by healing ourselves. We have a choice.

When something happens to someone close to us, i.e. that we love, i.e. to whom our heart is open and we can experience their energy, we feel that and can do something about it. But in reality as to the rest of the world, we are closed. We are disconnected. The world and the suffering in the world is shielded out because WE cannot handle this because OUR hearts and OUR spirit is still weak and needs healing so we can increase our capacity. So yes, we are all connected, but we don’t feel that right now. But we could choose to live that experience of being connected with the whole world.

We can ask why is there so much suffering in the world now and the answer is because we let it happen, because we are not healed enough and our hearts do not have the capacity yet to even care enough to act, never mind to be a channel of release for others who are suffering. So suffering persists because we do not have the love to help ease it or to prevent it by reaching out sooner.

But we can choose to heal ourselves and to grow in our love. And if we know that we can, and we choose not to, then we ARE truly responsible for perpetuating the suffering in the world. In the same way that I could have not intervened with my niece and nephew and their pain and its consequences would have persisted. Instead I was part of their healing journey back to becoming bright and joyful spirits again.

Back to Dr Len. So he energetically said ‘I am sorry. I am sorry for what happened to you. I am sorry that I didn’t recognise your pain sooner and I am sorry that didn’t act sooner. Forgive me.’ Then he healed the guilt of his responsibility and part in their life because of his inaction and not healing himself sooner. Healing sooner could have helped divert the paths that these people were on. Then he asked ‘what can I offer you now?’ and energetically sent them what they needed, namely love.

The results? Healing and change. The inmates got better. The prison environment changed. Some inmates improved so much that they were even well enough to go home. Staff turnover reduced. By healing himself, these inmates healed. The energetic patterns with them leading to their thoughts and actions were changed. What did Dr Len get? I would only suppose that he grew greatly in his own capacity for love and compassion.

* For more articles about Dr Len, do an internet search on Google with any of these keywords : Dr Len Ho'oponopono Hawaii Healing Hospital .

Healing Ourselves, Healing The World

How does this form of healing affect us? By healing our selves we can heal the world around us

This means we are all co-jointly responsible for what is happening around us, near and far. By healing ourselves we can heal and change others and so ease suffering. It also shows us that if we care enough about others near we can be an influence for change in their lives, redirecting their paths in life.

It also means that BY NOT healing ourselves, by keeping our shields and barriers, we are choosing to perpetuate the suffering in the world around us. It is therefore our responsibility to heal ourselves for our sake, for the sake of others and to accept and receive our own personal gifts that come with our own transformation.

What stops us from doing this is only our own limitations. Our own capacity to care enough to take action for healing. How great is our spirit’s capacity to care and to love now is down to one thing only. Our choice.

Yes we can reach out to work with someone to assist in their own healing process. But now we have another path. Are we willing to heal and to change ourselves? We have the tools. We have the knowledge. We only need the desire and intention and to not be afraid to ask for help from others, who are only too willing to assist.

So now, as human beings and EMO Practitioners we are explorers of the human spirit and its energy system. We can now face all our greatest challenges, embracing them with gratitude for an experience that is showing us where there is still the need for our own healing and transformation, allowing us to heal and to grow in our capacity to love and wisdom.

Then we know that from this new flow state, from this new and greater love, that we can be a greater influence for healing and change in the world around us.

Exercise 1: A Personal Challenge For Us – Healing Ourselves

That which is our greatest challenge has with it our greatest gift

Choose a person or a concept that you are very strongly shielded against. It may be because of what they represent or what they have done to you or to others. E.g. “I absolutely detest and abhor…..”, “I just cannot accept ……”

With a partner/practitioner use the shields protocol to develop your ability to handle this energy until you only feel love in the presence of this person/concept.

Exercise 2: Exploring Deeper in Their Path

For the person you are working with, now that you have an open heart channel to them, explore what might have happened to them in their life to bring them to the place where they have acted in this way, or they have become the person that they have.

Witness each event that experienced, tune in and connect with their emotional state that they would have experienced.

Ask : where do I feel their emotion about this I my body?

Soften flow and let go

Repeat for all their emotions about their experience until you feel only love

Recognition and Responsibility

Energetically say:

‘I am sorry that this happened to you’ – soften and flow til you feel love

‘I am sorry that you felt this way’ – soften and flow til you feel love

‘I am sorry that I didn’t see this sooner, forgive me’

Soften and flow any guilt or pain remaining until there is only love

Send them this love now’ ‘I love you’

Repeat for other events in their experience that you are aware of or can imagine happened.

Contemplate what you learned and gained from this and what has changed

• If you are doing this work alone, at home, place your hands on your heart of energy as you focus your healing intentions to deepen your connection and experience.

Sandra Hillawi

EMO Master Trainer

Author of “The Love Clinic: The real energy secrets of love and relationships.”

First published in the EMO Conference Manual 2008.

• 👉 Further Information: Daring to Love The Unlovable: The Greatest Transformation