EFT & Romantic Rejection

In this book I am addressing the loss of loved one to death and through "romantic rejection" as two separate situations. We will deal with the loss of a loved one to death in another chapter. Here we will deal with situations in which our loved one leaves us for some reason.

We will need to employ EFT on each emotion, which comes up, and of course as always on the various aspects which come up, especially childhood experiences.

This is true because the power which we give to our love partner to determine to such a large degree our security, happiness and self-worth is largely the result of our childhood experiences and especially unfinished business with our parents.

So in order to overcome our pain in such situations we might need to also work with the chapter on childhood experiences.

Employing EFT on Romantic Rejection

Here is a list of some of the emotions we might feel when someone leaves us. Below each emotion we present some possible set up phrases. These lists as always are there to guide you and never to limit you. There are many other possibilities.

1. Rejection (demeaned, worthless) because he/she does not want to be with me.

A. Even though I feel rejected (demeaned, worthless) because (name of person)____ left me, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt rejected (demeaned, worthless) because (name of person)____ left me, I now feel (realize, experience) my self-worth as a unique being without him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this feeling of rejected (being demeaned, worthlessness).

C. Reminder Phrase = Rejected ( demeaned, worthlessness) because _____ left.

2. Fear of continuing life without this person.

A. Even though I fear continuing life alone without (name of person)____ , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I feared continuing life alone without (name of person)____ , I now feel (realize, experience) self-confidence and powerfully capable of dealing with life.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of dealing with life.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of dealing with life (without ______).

3. Fear (shame) of what others will think about me now that he/she has left.

A. Even though I fear what others will think because (name of person)____ left me, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I feared what others would think because (name of person)____ left me , I now feel (realize, experience) my self-worth as a unique being, regardless of what they think.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of what they think.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of what they think.

4. Fear that I will not find anyone else to share my life with.

A. Even though I fear I will not find anyone else to share my life with, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now, I feared I would not find anyone else to share my life with, I now am confident that I deserve and will attract the perfect being for me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of not finding someone else.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of not finding someone else.

5. Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) of not having this person to hold, share, make love to, communicate with, etc.

A. Even though I feel hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to, communicate with etc. ? be specific), I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt I hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific), I now experience the fullness of my being and of my life and lovingly connect with those around me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear o Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific),

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific),

6. Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) that he/she is unjustly harming, betraying, hurting us in this way.

A. Even though I feel Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly, I now have faith in the wisdom of what life gives me for my growth process.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly.

7. Guilt (self-rejection) because I feel that I am to blame for his/her leaving.

A. Even though I feel guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me, I now forgive and love myself, realizing that I have done and will do my best.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from Guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me.

8. Jealousy if (because) he/she is with someone else

A. Even though I feel jealous because (name of person)____ is with someone else , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt jealous because (name of person)____ is with someone else, I now feel the fullness of my being trust that life gives me exactly what I need for my growth process (self-actualization).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling jealousy because (name of person)____ is with someone else.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ left me.

9. Anger (hate, revenge) because he/she has caused now so much pain.

A. Even though I feel anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else) , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else), I now realize that I am perfectly capable of being happy and fulfilled without him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else).

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else).

10. Depression (disillusionment, discouragement) that I cannot have what I want and cannot do anything about it.

A. Even though I feel depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____ , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I could not be with (name of person)____ , I now realize (feel, experience) that I have the power to create the life I want.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____.

C. Reminder Phrase = Depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____

It should not take long to work through all of the above. The pain which often takes months, and for some people, years, can be removed in a week or less. We help no one by feeling all these emotions.

Better to get on with our lives.

Below are some thoughts about what we can gain from such a situation.

LEARNING FROM A RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN

A divorce, separation or, in general, any loss of an important relationship is a painful experience. . Such pain can seriously diminish our peace and happiness. We can, however, use this inner discomfort for our spiritual benefit. If we are thinking of separating, there are many lessons we need to examine before we can come to the conclusion that we must separate from someone. But if the other leaves us or this separation has already happened, we might be able to benefit from the following.

1. Our first lesson is to examine our behavior to see how we might have contributed to the problem. Only in this way can we create a new healthy relationship if we chose to.
In relation to this we might want to examine the following:
a. We may have been criticizing, complaining, rejecting or otherwise causing the other to feel unaccepted.
b. We may have been seeking continual affirmation in ways that may have been tiring for the other.
c. Our fears may have been causing us to be over sensitive and annoying.
d. Perhaps we were playing games of power, who is right or who is more successful.
e. We might have been playing roles such as the child, the parent, the savior, the holy one, the rebel, the teacher or some other role which may have affected the other?s behavior.
f. We may have guilt feelings that were making us vulnerable to the other?s words or behaviors.
g. Perhaps we were not communicating our needs clearly and effectively as an adult and were suppressing ourselves or complaining, criticizing or threatening.
h. We might have been projecting onto the other our childhood or other experiences.
i. The other might have been reflecting back to us our lack of self-esteem or self-respect.
j. We may have attachments that were coming between us.
k. We may have inner conflicts, which were reflecting back to us from the other.

2. We may need to learn to love the other in spite of his or her behavior, regardless of whether we stay with that person or not.

3. We can discover that we can live without this person and that happiness, security and love are internal states that are always within us, if only we allow ourselves to experience them.

4. We can use this opportunity to develop greater inner strength so as to feel confident and able to face whatever may come to us in the game of life.

5. Most of us will need to change our self-image. We need now to learn to accept, love and respect ourselves more, so that we do not create the same problem in our next relationship or in life in general.

6. By directing our energies in a spiritual direction and developing a relationship with God - the Universal Being, we are no longer so vulnerable or so dependent on others for our feelings of security and self-worth.

7. We may also need to learn that the other?s decision to leave may not be a rejection at all. He or she may love and respect us dearly but be forced by other needs to seek happiness elsewhere.

Our lessons might be separated into five categories:

1. We might need to learn to communicate more effectively, assertively and lovingly.

2. Perhaps we need to let go of some attachments, which are increasing our conflicts with others and diminishing our happiness.

3. Examine our behaviors that might be annoying the other.

4. Free ourselves from subconscious programmings, which limit our self-esteem and ability to attract the behaviors that we deserve.

5. Develop inner feelings of security, self worth and freedom.

Once our happiness, security and love have become internalized, we can experience unconditional love.

Although we need to make every possible step to heal our relationships, if and when a relationship breaks down, there is still much we can learn.

For more articles on EFT.

From the forthcoming book by Robert Elias Najemy EFT for Self-knowledge and Total Freedom.

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Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.
You can download FREE articles and e-books from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also receive guidance on life issues.
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Added May 18, 2002 |  15,623 Reads